Why Maining Akuma Is Better Than Having A Girlfriend

Akuma is one of the coolest Street Fighter characters ever conceived. Despite Ryu being the face of the series and Chun-Li being the hotter face of the series, no amount of spinning bird kicks or Shin Shoryukens can ever compare to the master of the Satsui No Hado.

Nowadays, with gaming getting so time intensive, it always comes at a cost. Should you use your rest hours to practice combo drills? What about sneaking time in between lectures to check wikis and tags? It's the curse of anyone with a hobby- any amount of breathing room is the perfect place to chuck more devotion to it. You know what else does this? Relationships.

Look, I'm not here to be like "ew, normies". Admittedly, life might be a little less bleak with a dash of human connection that didn't involve my rank points going up or down. But with Akuma dropping this week for Street Fighter 6, maybe it's time to put away the dating apps and embrace true power.

Akuma Notices The Effort You Put In

One of the biggest struggles with human interaction is you'll never know someone's whole story. For the past 3 years I've been making an effort to make more eye contact with people. No one says "Oh hey you're actually looking at my face instead of spacing out on a random pigeon that seems to be moving in-tempo with Kendrick Lamar's For Free? (interlude)". Nor do I necessarily want them to. Eye contact is like deodorant- even if it's clearly not there for the sake of a tolerable night it's best for everyone you don't bring it up.

Akuma though? Akuma's not a real person, and therefore you don't have to worry about minute details. As a digital object with a series of multiple inputs, the closest thing to priorities a fictional character can have is your ability to hit the buttons good. And if you do? You win. You'll unlock the same kind of sync that's made Tokido such a beast over the years. Piloting a fighting game character good is a self-satisfaction you're just not privy to by living your life trying to please other people.

It's the kind of honesty relationships only get after one extremely heated exchange. "Sorry I was in a bad mood, I've been putting in extra shifts at work to secretly save up and buy you a present" is an all around messy situation. Over the years you may grow into the kind of person who appreciates how messy and imperfect human beings can be- but think of how much pain and frustration that's going to cause you just to get there.

Meanwhile, compare that to an Akuma BnB. A target combo here, a Drive rush cancel there, and you get to delete someone's entire life bar. Oh, what's this? You don't know how to react to Demon Flip? Well too bad, because I've spent three games learning exactly how to catch you sleeping. You may know her birthday but when you run the set with me you're a guess at best.

Does Your Girlfriend Have Teleport Into Command Grab

One scary thing about people is that they're easily bored. So you've just made the most romantic birthday celebration. What about next year? She's gonna be thinking about how you're topping this next year. What about the year after that? A long commitment is just a series of increasing weights, dragging you down as your entire existence is warped around the idea that if you ever stop surprising her, she's going to leave.

It goes the other way too- your partner could surprise you with the sweetest gift ever, and then what? It's all downhill from here? Is this all there is to life, just jumping from thrill to thrill, not realizing that you peaked at probably month 3?

The good thing about Akuma is that there's no such thing as getting bored with him. As a mix-up heavy glass cannon, he has plenty of tools for plenty of fools. Sure, someone you play long sets with may get used to your nonsense. But what about the people online? Even if there's an optimal way to play Akuma, there's plenty of little personal flourishes down to your playstyle that make it so they've not necessarily fought your Akuma.

Maybe this time I'll do Demon Flip on oki to make you guess. Maybe this time I'll charge Go Hadoken just to keep you locked down. Heck, why not be extra spicy and run up and grab like we're in an anime game. If you're familiar enough with his tool kit, you have a solution for every problem, and a problem for every solution your opponent might come up with.

Embrace The Satsui No Hado, Not The Arms Of A Loved One

Of course, the one thing Akuma and a girlfriend have in common is you have to manage your expectations. While the Satsui No Hado might be about murderous intent, attaching your self worth to your Akuma winrate is going to cause you problems in the long run. The idea is to just have fun doing air fireballs and air tatsus, not do them because you think buying a DLC everyone has access to is going to send you to Capcom Cup.

The other thing they have in common is that you gotta go all in. Chances are, if you're in a relationship you're holding yourself back somewhat. That's like holding on to your drive bar with our dear raging demon. Why do that? Once you're in, you're in and carry that straight to round 2.

Be it love or fighting games, what you're gonna get is the same- a high-investment experience. That being said, most girlfriends don't have a 2nd Critical art that's one of the most iconic supers of all time, so y'know. Make your choices wisely.